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any-key2016 is wrapping up and its crunch time to finish up any year-end projects or outstanding issues before the New Year.  Over the years, I have heard some of the same question and comments from clients that make me, to this day, just laugh.  And by laugh I mean curling under my desk clutching my Dilbert bobblehead repeating “Friday will be here soon.  Friday will be here soon”.  Over the top, yes but I think you got the point.

Here is a list of some of the doozies I have heard over the years from some of the smartest people in their industries:

“I don’t know how I got that virus.  I didn’t do anything”

Yes, yes you did.  And you know what, I would rather you tell me exactly what you did.  That way I know exactly where to go to fix it rather than searching for it myself.  We are all human and we all make mistakes, just own up to it.  Your IT technician will appreciate it.

“My application doesn’t work and I got an error but I closed the message”

Don’t’ do this please.  Unless you can memorize the 16-digit hexadecimal error code and recite it back to your IT tech, then I suggest leave the error message on the screen.  It would make our job easier and you can have your computer back quicker.

“I can’t print”

Which is almost always a lie.  I get it, printers sometimes don’t work.  But don’t hit the print button once in Word and all of a sudden you’re throwing the printer out the window.  Before you freak out, try printing the document again.  Then try printing in another program.  Then reboot the printer and try again.  If all this fails, then call in the IT crew.  We are going to try those things anyway, might as well do it first.

“I need to change my password but I don’t know how”

Three words for you Ctrl…Alt…Del.  Done

“Can you make my Internet faster?”

Really?  Did you just ask that?  Hey, I would love to throw another gerbil on the Internet wheel and make it spin faster.  If only it was that easy.  Maybe try not to download all the extra toolbars like Google or Ask so when you open your browser, it doesn’t takes 5 minutes to load your homepage.

“Another update, do I really need to do this.  I’m in the middle of something”

Again yes, yes you do.  You can always let the updates run while you continue to work on your computer.  And we can take it a step further.  If your updates need a reboot after the install, you can defer that too.  So no excuses, it needs to get done.

computer froze“I can’t do anything, my computer froze”

What a coincidence, because that is about the same time I sent a network “ice” update to everyone.  Interesting but a coincidence nonetheless.  All joking aside, if all else fails just reboot your computer because like printers, computers sometimes fail as well.

“The network is slow, are you guys doing something?”

I can’t tell you how many times I heard this.  Some people actually ask this thinking that we have some type of “network speed” lever that we push up and down to our amusement.  Trust me, I would kill for one of those as it sounds like a lot of fun.  But alas, this invention has not been created yet.

IT Industry classic responses

Ok, ok so now let’s flip the script and give you some of the IT industries classic responses that I am sure you all have head one or twice before (or more…maybe):

“Let me look into that and get back to you”

Definition:  After one hour of Facebooking, tells the client there is nothing wrong and that it was a onetime occurrence.

“I’ve never seen that error before”

Definition:  I don’t know how to fix it and it will probably take me a long time to figure it out so buckle in, it’s going to be awhile.

“Don’t worry, Blue Screens happen often”

Definition:  No, no they don’t.  You don’t have Win95 installed.  But why is it always you and always around lunch or closing time.  Really?  You couldn’t have clicked on the Spam message tomorrow?

“Just give it a 3-Finger salute and you should be good to go”

Definition:  Not a Hunger Games reference.  You need to reboot your computer by pressing Ctrl + Alt + Del.

tech loop“Let me run some diagnostics on the computer to see if that resolves it”

Definition:  Lunch time!  Or it’s close to home time and this move will keep the computer busy until the next morning.

“I have escalated your issue to our Level 2 department”

Definition:  This is less passing your issue off to someone else to more of giving it to the new guy, let him deal with it.

To sum it up, there will always be issues that crack up your IT guy and some answers that get you to roll your eyes.  At the end of the day, we both need each other and why not poke some fun and have a little humor at our expense.

Can’t wait to see what 2017 has in store for us.